i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How does it feel to date your dad?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
