I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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