my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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