hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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