there's paper in my vomit.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone came in the potted fern
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
