I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
