I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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