cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
