I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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