Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
