If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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