Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Your tits are I can't wait for
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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