There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
