chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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