Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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