This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
