Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
