We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
