Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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