There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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