Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
