Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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