Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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