sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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