It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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