Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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