I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
