Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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