; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
