He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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