I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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