Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the liver wants what the liver wants
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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