I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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