Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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