Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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