Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
