If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
