There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
