Jerry, you need to find god
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
