Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
