I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
