where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
