New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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