i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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