you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
