Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
