Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
