This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
