idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
