1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
