Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
