I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
