booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I look better un-naked...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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