were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
