WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
