So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
