the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
