whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
