when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
