Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
In America we eat man semen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
there is glitter all over my balls
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize