the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
